“Then he told them what they could expect for themselves: “Anyone who intends to come with me has to let me lead. You’re not in the driver’s seat—I am. Don’t run from suffering; embrace it. Follow me and I’ll show you how. Self-help is no help at all. Self-sacrifice is the way, my way, to finding yourself, your true self. What good would it do to get everything you want and lose you, the real you?”
Luke 9:23-25 MSG
I think I’ve decided that seminary is for losers, of which I am now one! I graduated from Northeastern Seminary a few weeks ago, and I've been reflecting on the ride.
The journey was not easy, and I would certainly tell you that I lost a part of me and I lost parts of my faith. It’s ok though, I knew it would turn out this way - I signed up to lose myself, actually. A long time ago. That’s what followers of Jesus are called to consistently do, after all: come and die.
My faith is constantly in cycles of dying and being reborn, and for that I am thankful. “For you have died, and your life is hidden with Christ in God” (Col. 3:3). It is true.
I remember the day that I sat in Bible study with my friends and said, “yeah, I’m not really a theology kind of person.” (I didn’t realize then that theology actually is everywhere, reflected in the way we eat food and skip rocks in the creek and go to church and use our eyeballs and our money.) It was silly, but I only trying to convey that I didn’t have time to sit around talking about God in our neat little room while I had friends who were unhoused and addicted and hurting. I couldn’t begin to imagine the two-year journey I would later go on at Northeastern Seminary, which was anything but what I expected the study of theology to be like. It was a lot of crying, writing, walks outside, reading and rereading, protesting, headaches, meeting with state representatives, praying, hurting, lamenting, more reading. It was working on myself, but it was also working on justice and mercy for my community. What I've gained through being open to loss is the real me - the me God is calling me to be and become. It is a beautiful and messy process, but I am here for it. Here's to losing!
Post-script: I've only had one seminary experience, but I have the feeling that Northeastern Seminary is not a normal school in the evangelical-adjacent community. It is truly a hidden gem. Our student body is 57% women, and 43% minority/people of color. Not only is our student body full of traditionally underrepresented peoples, but leadership is as well. I was taught by female professors and African American professors. We read theology from minority perspectives and we read the primary church documents and analyzed global historical movements. They didn't just care about giving me information, but prioritized retreats and my spiritual formation. It was an incredible theological experience, and I would wholeheartedly recommend it to anyone looking to grow with God.
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